Coal Coast Family

LGA: Wollongong

connecting during the chaos

Interview: Lucy Kippist
Coal Coast Family
3 minutes read

How do you find time as a couple when you have young children? We asked two families how they stay connected – with both little and bigger kids.

Little kids

“When Frankie turned two it felt like we were out of the parenting trenches, and now with Max being so little we feel right back there!

One thing that we do is prioritise an early bedtime for our kids so we can eat dinner with just the two of us. This is something we want to change when the kids are older, but for now it’s really important for us.

It did take a while to set the process up but now it’s a natural part of the day. We are also lucky that Tom can work from home a few days a week so he is ready to help with the bedtime routine starting from 5pm. On days when he goes into the city, I usually cook a one pot meal so that it is ready to just heat up when he gets home.” – Annika

“My tip for a family about to transition to two children is that it can be easy for mum to slip into the role of default parent for the toddler. And the last thing you want when the new baby arrives is having to do the nighttime routine with your toddler, while also managing the baby. I would recommend preparing your toddler for bedtime with the other parent before the baby arrives, so at least that part feels a bit seamless.” – Tom

Bigger kids

“When our kids were little I wasn’t working and Tom was full-time in the city and it was really challenging to find time for ourselves, especially as we didn’t have family around. It got to the point where we needed external help so we found a great babysitter and started scheduling regular date nights that focussed on doing activities together, like archery or pottery.

We knew that if we went out for dinner too often, the conversation would focus on the family and the kids, and while we needed to have those things, it was good to foster a connection with each other. We are also quite competitive, so anything where there was a place to spark off each other or master a bit of skill was lots of fun!” – Jane

“Now the kids are much older and it’s a bit different. But life is also so much busier now! I am working too and travel a lot for work. A huge part of our life is logistics and helping things to run smoothly. As well as scheduling time together, we have regular strategy meetings to make sure we are across what is happening for both of us. The mental load is a real factor!

If we are not across everything together then resentment can build up quickly. We don’t do as many activity-based things as a couple like we used to. Now the kids are older we do more family activities, and I’d like to balance that out with more couple time. We love being outdoors, doing physical activities so we’ll be building our quality time around those things rather than just focussing on romantic dinners.

My tip for other young families is that communication is really what fosters connection, and you have to stay on top of it by having an open channel of communication where you proactively discuss your needs and what is going on for you and each other. There will also be times where you have to pick up each other’s slack, it’s never going to be 50:50 all the time.” – Tom

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