Motherhood in suburbia is not often featured in glossy magazines or reality television – but is the reality for most of us. Luckily for parents across Australia and beyond, Coledale author Rachael Mogan McIntosh gives us an honest and unfiltered account of modern-day parenting through her experiences after giving birth to her third child.
Titled ‘Mothering Heights: A year of joy and survival in the trenches of early parenthood’, we’re taken through the first year as Rachael adapts to the realisation that her old identity no longer quite fits, and neither do her trousers. The year is beyond tough, but the hard-won wisdom of motherhood cracks her heart wide open. Let’s get to know more about Rachael and her relatable musings that have us nodding along in agreement.
Tell us a bit about your family and where you live?
We’re a family of six including a fluffy one (Biggles) and we live in the bush above Coledale in a ramshackle little sustainable cottage with a composting dunny and no town water.
Can you tell us what inspired you to write your book ‘Mothering Heights’ and the process of getting it published?
I’ve been tinkering with Mothering Heights for many years. That’s why the book itself covers a wide span of motherhood; ranging from pregnancy to adolescence. Or pull-ups to P plates, perhaps. For me, this book needed to be born, just like my three children, and it emerged from me as they did: slowly and painfully, with a big dramatic rush at the end.
I think that stories that explore the magical, idiosyncratic, private land of early motherhood are important and somewhat rare, even though it’s a core aspect of our society. Not all of us will be mothers, but we have all come from one. Early motherhood can be really lonely and isolating: the highs so transcendent, the lows so heartbreaking. I wanted to dig into that world and open it up to the light, capturing the intensity and the joy.
I took Mothering Heights through a manuscript development program with the ACT Writers Centre, where I was lucky enough to find my agent Jane Novak. I also won a Varuna Fellowship with the manuscript. But I didn’t sell it until after my first book ‘Pardon My French’ came out. It’s been a long and winding road.
What has been the response from readers to your book ‘Mothering Heights’?
It’s been warm and loving, and I absolutely love to hear from readers. I’m thrilled to make anybody laugh, but I am most moved when somebody feels ‘seen’ in the harder and more gruelling aspects of motherhood. To have the chance to bring comfort with my words to a person who is struggling feels so rewarding.
If you could give new mums one piece of advice or wisdom, what would it be?
I was really lucky that I wrote a parenting column for a magazine for seven years when the children were really small, so that even the worst moments could be turned into copy.
Like when a child lifted my top in the butcher and shouted ‘Look ebby-body! Big fat tummy!’ Or when another pulled my shirt down to expose my bra to the shelf-packer at BiLo. Or the time my trousers untied themselves in the pre-school car park and slithered to the ground, leaving me bent at the waist and presenting my rump, luscious and resplendent in greying nanna knickers, to the gridlock of cars at pick-up time. (All these stories, I realise now, involve comedic near-nudity. The bottom line: Look for the comedy! You’ll find it.)
I think my best advice would be to relax into the chaos a little. There is no magic advice for navigating the upside-down madness of early motherhood. Nobody gets a drama-free ride. And who would want one? It’s in the struggle that wisdom is born. Some family situations are harder than others, and some days just bite the wiener. Seek out the glimmers of joy. You’re doing a good job! You really are!
What does a ‘day in the life’ for you look like now that your kids are older?
They are more work now as teenagers than they were as toddlers! I try desperately never to leave the house but I’m dragged from pillar to post by all three. Every day is different, but all involve coffee and my bathtub.
Are there any local resources in the Illawarra that you would recommend for parents to check out?
When mine were small I found Thirroul library a wonderful resource for all things musical and book-related with little ones. Parents and mothers’ groups get a weirdly bad rap but I think they are almost always fantastic. Solidarity!
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